When I worked at a local coffee shop, I was allowed to play my choice of music during my shifts, I was often complimented for my choices and on some occasions I was asked for my thoughts on “what was good or bad.”
I miss being viewed as something of a musical curator, so I’ve created a playlist tag, Kylogram’s Playlist. This will hopefully get you into the music I love and listen to. Sort of a playlist for my everyday.
For Those Wondering…
When I tried to strike up more conversation with the barrista I was interested in, I was unable to get more than two words out of her before she would turn and go do something else. This happened two or three times, I took it to mean she wasn’t interested, and decided not to pursue.
I may be dense as a brick, but I think I called that one correctly.
In other news, I find myself thinking about tumbling headlong into my art, not allowing anything but my art to keep my attention. This is an action that could make or break me, and I don’t know which is most likely.
As it stands, I have a responsibility to my roommate and to my cat not to be a failure, and the potential for failure is to great to risk their livelihoods on my abilities. There is no way for me to do this while keeping a regular job. I’m just waiting for an opportune time to make the jump.
I have a crush on one of the baristas at The Coffee Loft.
She’s short and a little chubby and really, really adorable. But The Coffee Loft is a Christian-run, non-profit establishment and that doesn’t necessarily mean she’s Christian but I’m an atheist and I know that a lot of religious people don’t trust atheists and sometimes fear drives them to hate and I’m afraid she’ll hate me for it but I really like her and I think she likes me because she went out of her way to talk to me and be nice and we have a good bit of common ground with work experiences and creative interests but I really don’t want to let myself get hurt by being shot down again but I know that if I don’t at least try then nothing will happen at all and I’ll agonize over it and how do I make this work I’m dense as a brick and I’m really bad at picking up flirtatious signals and fuck me I’m in for some emotional torment.
Somebody shoot me dead before I screw up.
Separated by The Vastness of Space
I often find myself wondering not whether or not there is life outside of our tiny system, but where it is, and how far along it has progressed technologically.
It seems reasonable that any other sentient species would develop along similar technological pathways, the only natural inhibitors I think would be world-killing events such as catastrophic meteorological impacts, or supermassive volcanic activity.
For the sake of argument, let’s assume a similar age and history of catastrophic events. Indeed, there is an existing hypothesis that given the vastness of our universe, there is a distinct possibility of a near perfect copy of our world, elsewhere in the universe.
I think it’s entirely possible that we are so far away from any worlds dominated by sentient life that without FTL travel or communication, we would never even be able to confirm the existence of such life.
Similarly, it seems possible that given how easy it is for simple life to form and thrive that our own galaxy could be brimming with life. Our own neighboring stars could harbor other civilizations, and our only limiting factor being that neither of our technologies have advanced far enough to make contact.
One of the greatest reasons I want to live forever is, for better or worse, I want to be there when we finally meet life from outside our own system.
Thinking About Things
In which Kyle is a mopey little shit.
You know, for all the charm I’m told I have, and despite the fact that I have been told on several occasions that I am “good looking,” my luck with relationships is abysmal.
It seems to me that the only girls who think I’d make a good boyfriend are already in relationships or are too far away to matter. Part of me wants to believe that I just have really bad luck, but my strike-out record has me believing there is something inherently wrong with me.
I dream of being a great boyfriend, a great husband, and a great father, and I know I can be, because I’ve seen nearly all of the mistakes one can make in a relationship and I don’t have what it takes to make those mistakes.
I have a great love in reserve, but no one to give it too, and my efforts are often shunted. What does it take, how many times do I have to try before I get it right?
This Year in Kylogram
Romance: 2012 went about as well as any year before, except I tried much harder to cultivate a relationship only to fail before the relationship really started, once again. I learned some lessons though, and maybe my next attempt will be more successful.
Art: Vast improvements between last year and this one, though I still have a ways to go before I consider myself great.
Finances: I am far better off this year than last, though I did trade one shitty job for another. Both jobs were shitty for different reasons.
This year has been pretty lackluster, but maybe next year will be better.
Resolutions: Be more sociable, curb bad habits, exercise more often.
Thinking About Starting a Porn Blog
I would dedicate this blog to just porn that I’d reblog from the tumbles. I think this is a pretty good idea, what do you guys think?
SO! Last night I made a grunge costume for the 80’s and 90’s night at Growler’s pub, and I think I was very nearly the only person who understood the theme of the costume event. (Lots of people saw it as an excuse to just dress in whatever the fuck they felt like)
I started with a Narragansett, moved on to the Rogue Ale “Double Dead Guy,” tried the Northampton Pumpkin, had my traditional Woodchuck 802 (the dark and dry), and finished with another Narragansett.
Halfway through the night, all costumed patrons were given a grab bag, which may or may not contain a number, all numbered bags were given extra prizes, provided by Rogue Ale. I won this glorious “Dead Guy” hat (the words glow in the dark), some people won Rogue Ale posters, and a very select few (including a friend of mine) won a Rogue Ale pine box full of stuff, including a bottle of one of the Rogue Ale beers, a mason jar of some sort and some other stuff.
It was a wonderful night and I’ve found a new favorite beer in the Double Dead Guy, which may or may not be due to the fact that Rogue Ale gave me free swag…
I’m Not Heartbroken, Just A Little Disappointed
So! I thought things were getting on well, I really did. I exuded as much confidence as I could possibly muster, tried not to get too attached early on (a problem that has hurt me in the past) asked her out while I still had the courage to take the answer I didn’t want to hear.
I don’t feel broken, but I do feel…
Nevermind, I feel pretty broken, but not so much over the lost chance as much as I feel broken over the whole fact that I am still, somehow, un-datable. I’ve had assurances that I am a pretty attractive dude, mostly level-headed, and intelligent. I won’t claim to be a gorgeous genius, but I think I’m pretty awesome. I’m not defeated yet, but I can’t fight this battle forever unless I win a little bit along the way…